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Wednesday Writing Exercise I.

June 18, 2014

Today I took my Storymatic into class. This is a box of cards, half of which contain character prompts, (‘plastic surgeon’, ‘cowboy’), the other half of which contain story prompts (‘handcuffs’, ‘frozen slice of wedding cake’). Using the above examples, I created this*:

‘He’s a real cowboy, that one.’
It was the wedding reception of a notorious plastic surgeon, regularly in the media for his clients’ bizarre, extreme reconstructions. His new bride was one of these clients, a woman who’d made it her life’s mission to resemble the cartoon character Jessica Rabbit as closely as possible. You had to hand it to her – she’d got pretty close.
Her backless wedding gown accentuated her exaggerated curves, achieved by liposuction around her waist, removal of her two lowest ribs, and buttock implants in her already-curvaceous rear end. Her artificially carmine hair cascaded down her back.
Her husband’s colleagues watched with a mixture of derision and envy as the happy couple fed each other handfuls of wedding cake, smushing it into each other’s faces and laughing with wide, frosting-encrusted mouths.
‘Have you ever seen anything so ostentatious?’ Dr Pascoe murmured. She was a dermatologist who shared the cowboy’s suite of offices, and after a career of lasering off melanomas and performing skin grafts on burn victims, she regarded his antics with an especially jaundiced eye.
Wait-staff began circulating with trays of cake slices for the guests to eat or take home. It was a multi-tiered monster, too much even for the hundreds of guests. Dr Pascoe regarded her slice with distaste. ‘I think I’ll just take it home and freeze it.’
Just then, a commotion erupted in the hotel foyer. Two uniformed police officers burst into the room, crying, ‘Freeze!’
They moved swiftly through the crowd, and one of them slipped handcuffs onto the cowboy. ‘Harry O’Hare, I am placing you under arrest for the murder of Sylvia Vine.’
The crowd gasped. Sylvia Vine was another of O’Hare’s clients, a starlet more famous for her multiple Botox jabs and boob jobs than for her movies. She’d gone into hiding after the grotesque results of her latest surgery had gone viral. Now it seemed that they’d gone septic, too. And guess who was named as the main beneficiary in her will?
‘Don’t worry,’ the groom softly assured his weeping wife as he was led away, ‘I’m sure my lawyer can plea-bargain it down to manslaughter.’


*slightly rewritten during transcription

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